20'S & NOT THRIVING... YET

What is it about being a 20 Something that no one talks about?  Everyone always says, "Oh, high school is the hardest time."  I strongly disagree.  Yes, Middle School and High School are painfully awkward and come with a plethora of issues: hormones, growth and learning.  But there is something about being in your 20's that is a whole different ball game.  After you graduate college you think you have everything figured out, a plan or a goal and that it will all "make sense" now.  False!  I have never been more confused or unsure about anything in my life.  If you think about it, the decade of your 20's is a total time of transition.  You enter it by leaving High School and then go to college or a program of next steps.  21 arrives, you are old enough to go out, and then after graduating college, you are suddenly facing your mid twenties.  Unless you go to Grad School, you are now searching for a job, searching for the right path and in theory, searching to find out who you really are and who you want to become.  

THE UPS & DOWNS

Since your 20's are so tumultuous, there are bound to be major ups and downs.  I always watched adults who seemed to have everything together and remained calm, cool, and collected.  I assumed once I hit mid twenties, I would feel just like that.  Sure, a few worries here and there, but not be faced with all these feelings.  Feelings of doubt, indecision, regret and fear.  Fears of not reaching my full potential, not becoming successful fast enough, and the ever wondering of, "which path should I take in life?  Am I on the right path?  Should I turn around?  Why is this not working?"  Etc.   Turns out, it is not just me.  I thought surely, everyone else has their lives together and I am the odd one out, but I realized the last few months that could not be further from the truth.  Some of the most put together 20 Somethings in my life will call me out of the blue or confess while walking around New York, "I feel lost."  I remember the first thought that came to my head, "Thank God I'm not the only one."  No one is talking about their 20's, and I feel that has got to change.  Everyone feels that they have to go through it alone, but it is important to share your struggles with people you can confide in because it helps lessen the load of stress.  We need to be more open and honest about what is truly going on in our heads and value where we are right now.

CELEBRATE EVERY TINY VICTORY

If you are feeling stuck or unsure where you are right now in your life, try to remember that you have come so far.  That in itself is an achievement.  What you have learned, how much growth you have made in yourself and in your dreams, that all counts for something!  Yes, I know the feeling of standing at the bottom of a mountain that is your goal and wondering, "How am I ever going to reach the top?"  But the secret is not in the final step of completion or success, it's the baby steps along the way.  I have to remind myself constantly, "One brick at a time."  I break down my goals into tiny goals and create specific lists and then simply start by accomplishing one small thing to further my career and or dream that day.  Then once that is done, I feel amazing and have the incentive and desire to tackle another small step and slowly move forward.  Once you get the hang of that, you find yourself able to carry on more and push a little harder every day.  You can look back and see that everything you have been working so hard on is paying off and that you are succeeding by doing, never giving up and believing in yourself.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, BUTTERCUP

LET GO OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

This one was a tough one for me because I love to see the good in everyone, but sometimes in life, you have to take care of yourself and do what is right for you.  That means, if there is a person in your life that takes away who you are or is bringing you down, they are not being a friend.  It takes a lot of self reflection and honesty with yourself to realize when a relationship or friendship is toxic and doing a disservice to you.  It breaks your heart, and it is never easy, but this life is short, though it feels like an eternity in your 20's am I right?, and you need to surround yourself with people who bring you up.  When I lived in LA and struggled finding people to connect with, every adult would say, "Be sure to find your tribe."  I never really understood that until I moved to New York and reconnected with some of my NYU friends and city girls that truly inspire me, grow with me and support me.  We are all in this mess together, I feel.  Just because your friends or peers seem to be doing better than you or have everything perfect in their life, does not mean we are all not completely confused, struggling and working through our own fears and worries.  Finding good people, even if it is only one person, who can be open, honest and loving with you is important.  Being popular and social with many people can be fun and exciting but at the end of the day, the person you can call anytime, whoever that is, is helping shape who you are, and needs to be valued.  

LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED IN MY 20'S SO FAR

1. You can't save everyone.
2. DON'T hold a grudge.  It's not worth it.
3. ONLY YOU can decide how you feel
4. FORGIVE, everything, everyone, always.
5. Be the Bigger Man, "They go low, We go high"
6. BREATHE
7. IT'S all really going to be OKAY
8. Take Risks, make mistakes, LEARN
9. CUT out the noise and negativity in your life
10. BE GENTLE with yourself, DON'T be so hard on yourself