MAD ABOUT PLAID + BEING SINGLE
FOREVER PLAID BUT NOT FOREVER ALONE
NEW SERIES ON THE BLOG !
I decided to start a new weekly series on Mad About Manhattan to help support women, share my experiences, advice and views with the world. This week the series is: MAD ABOUT BEING SINGLE, and how it is OK to be young, on your own while working hard on your dreams. Go ahead and take a read, and if you are in a relationship-bless you, for you have found gold! However, that does not undermine or negate women who are still single out there! Xo
MAD ABOUT BEING SINGLE
FACT: In 2014, the US Census counted approximately 83.1 million millennials. EIGHTY THREE MILLION-I'm overwhelmed, clearly. Another study from Gallup in 2014 stated that 64% of Millennials are single. Now that it is 2018, the percentage has only gotten higher.
AM I ALONE?
We have all attended a friend or family's wedding and may have been a bridesmaid or two. We wish the new couple well and are socially held responsible to bring a date and to not dare go stag to a wedding. Well, I went stag. Twice. I have been a bridesmaid in two gorgeous weddings in the last two years, and while I was SO excited and happy for the bride and groom, I started to self reflect and wonder to myself: "Why am I still Single?"
1. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU
Living in New York, it is widely acceptable to put your love life on the back burner and focus all of your energy to your career. However, growing up in a small suburb outside of a big city, I have seen and experienced both sides of the spectrum. Smaller towns in the US seem to be cozy, happy and friendly. People tend to marry their high school or college partners. Though, now with dating apps on the scene, even the suburbs have been rocked by stranger to stranger connections. It is certainly an interesting time to be alive and wanting to find love as a 20-something. Millennials are notorious for picking up and dropping relationships within the same week let alone the same month. My note to my fellow sistahs: IT'S NOT YOU! Society, dating apps, social media, career incentives and changes in culture all contribute to singlehood.
2. DO NOT FEEL PRESSURED
I repeat again from what I said earlier to my married and happily in love followers, congratulations! You are very lucky and blessed. However, so are single ladies! They always say there are two sides to every coin, both are valid and perfectly O.K. Both parties experience their ups and downs, no relationship or individual woman are in perfect bliss and harmony all the time. Everything is about what is right for YOU. Yes, I am a proud Cat Lady, but that does not mean I am going to die alone as a spinster! When I am in New York, I rarely feel pressured to be in a relationship, however, when I return to my hometown or scroll on social media I, too, struggle with the judgement of not finding my one and only yet. I remind myself and my best friends who deal with the same feelings that everybody is on their own timeline. No two people are going to live and experience the exact same life. So, I understand that right now, I am going to pursue my dream, live in my favorite city in the world and enjoy what life has to offer. If that is along side a wonderful person, great, if not right now, that is great, too.
3. ENJOY THE JOURNEY
Single ladies, have fun along the way! Being single is not like in the movies, where Bridget Jones lip syncs depressing love songs into her Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Focus on your friendships and relationships you do have, for example, with your family, coworkers and best friends. There was a study I read a few months ago in Glamour where spending time with girlfriends scientifically makes you happier and more at ease. A super valuable lesson to learn through dating is what you DO NOT want in a partner. Every time you have a failed date or relationship, try to spin the blues into silver linings. For example, think, "Now I know I cannot deal with x, y and z because this is how I felt when...etc." Opportunities for learning and growth tend to come in the strangest and most uncomfortable forms, if they were happy and effortless, we would not remember or learn them for the next time! We all have lists in our head of what we want, what we think we need, but make sure to leave room for someone to come along and surprise you. Sometimes great people and beautiful things sprout out of nowhere and are the ones you least expected.
4. REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER
For when that special someone does come along, you will be emotionally prepared and confident. The most important life lesson I learned while living in LA was How To Be Alone. It is very hard to grasp and become comfortable with but no one understands you more than YOU. So make time for a massage, go grab spaghetti alone at your favorite Italian place, snag an ice cream on the way home by yourself or join a group fitness class where you know no one. This is fun I swear to you, it may be scary at first and you may feel silly but turn that feeling around and say I am my own best company and you are going to be you as long as you are alive so you might as well like yourself! Haha, I know I may sound preachy, but it is a beautiful thing to learn how to enjoy being by yourself. Once you grasp this, you will be ready to have an emotionally stable relationship!
THE TAKE AWAY
You are exactly where you should be, doing what you need to do, to get to where you want to go. Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop making a face at happy couples on social media, get rid of envy and doubt, and focus on what makes you happy. Getting caught up in family, friends and your career is not a shameful thing at all, and do not let anyone or society tell you otherwise. I do not advise you to abuse dating apps, for you have to remember being alone is a good thing and do not date someone just because you are lonely. That is not fair to either people involved. Be sure to find the little joys in everyday life, work on yourself and stay open to new people, ideas and experiences. Single or in a relationship, the goal is to become better than who we were yesterday, and how you go about that is YOUR choice. I wish you all the luck in the world, and remember you are important and you are strong and you are beautiful-in every sense of the word.