MAD ABOUT DATING IN 2018

MAD ABOUT DATING IN 2018

Here it is, the inevitable post. DATING! The struggle of most single people who roam this Earth. Whether I hear it from my fellow companions complaining about dating in the Women’s bathroom, or on the subway between two workmates or on the street eavesdropping passing New Yorkers, it is always the same story. The conversations usually involve some frustrated comment about dating in 2018! To my happily married and in loving relationships readers—You are the lucky ones, your search is over, you can pass “GO” and collect $200. There has been a strange phenomenon among Millennials in the last few years regarding the approach to courting.

GHOSTING

We’ve all done it. Be honest with yourself. If there is a lack of interest, all of a sudden it has been deemed “acceptable” to “ghost” someone, or to disappear on a poor individual that is or was pursuing you. This stinks. Having been the Ghoster and the Ghostee, it is just no fun. The feeling of waiting in indefinite silence for someone is a total waste of time for both people involved! This needs to stop. Let’s try to make a collective conscious effort to quit the disappearing act on people and own up to one’s feelings. I know many people around my age HATE confrontation, but let me tell you, you are going to hate it a lot more when a few weeks or months go by and that person you did wrong comes to find you and give you a piece of their mind. It is much better to rip off the bandaid and tell the person involved that you just do not see a future with them or, “Sorry, I’m just not the one. It’s all on me!” Blaming things on yourself is easiest. The famous, “It’s not you, it’s me!” Therefore, you owned up, you set that person free, and you can go on your merry way without any guilt! I say always have a clear conscious when dating, ammiright?

EXPECTATIONS

Everyone has expectations regarding where they are in their life and their career, what their goals are and what they see the next steps being for them. This is totally natural and good! It only gets tricky when someone else involved has different expectations. In the modern world of dating apps, social media and “sliding into DM’s” (Instagram direct messages), it is easier than ever to contact someone, to flirt with someone, and to make someone jealous. Whether by malicious intent or by accident, the Internet has effected the dating world. People are either way too upfront about what they want or are looking for, or way too quiet and shy about what they want in a partner or in a relationship. The word, “Relationship” has a plethora of meanings to different people. I miss the good ‘ol days where you could write a letter to someone you liked, or give them a phone call and politely ask someone out, and even “pinning” your high-school crush’s letterman jacket at the Football game. Gone are the innocently sweet dating days, and we have to learn how to navigate this new approach to finding the right partner.

SPEAK YOUR TRUTH, FIND YOUR TRUTH

This is a saying that can apply to pretty much anything in life, but in dating, it helps weed out the time wasters and wrong suiters. As a woman living in New York, I go after my career 100%, support my friends no matter what, fiercely love and protect my family and am extremely independent. Some men I meet find this intimidating and feel that they need a woman worth saving or needs them. I have never needed saving, and nor should you. We are all proud of our accomplishments and should not be ashamed of them nor where we want to go in our careers or in our lives. It is fabulous to want to start a family just as much as it is fabulous to become a CEO of a company. There is no lesser than or better than in one’s dreams or goals in life. My advice is find a partner or request a partner on digital paper who falls in sync with your idea of partnership, love and intimacy. My grandmother always said to, “Find someone equally yolked.” It took me a long time to fully understand what she meant by this, but in essence she meant, Find your equal partner who you both “want” each other, not necessarily “need” each other. Find someone who will support you just as much as you support them, who may not have the same likes or career as you, but understands you and your goals and vice versa. It is all about balance, never tipping the scales one way or the other, and always being on the same page.

THE TAKEAWAY

So I part with you by saying, “Good Luck,” “Know your worth,” and “Do Not Settle.” There IS someone out there, I swear. There is more than 7 Billion people on this Earth, there is bound to be someone who’s the ying to your yang, salt to your pepper, King to your Queen…okay I will stop, I can’t help it! Cookie to your chocolate chip….I’m done. Anyway, He or She is out there, or should I say Ze? Keep the faith, and be patient. Work on YOURSELF first. Then when the right one comes along you will be ready. Whether it be casual dating, long term dating, marriage, friendship, partnership—whatever works for you. You are in control of your heart and you get the final say! Speak up, be considerate and try to do the right thing. Dating is so stressful with the questions of, “Where are we…? or “What are we…?” Labels stink, conversations on what or where a pair wants to be is more successful than slapping a name on a connection. My biggest take away that I have learned in my past relationships and even in my friendships is always work on: COMMUNICATION. Most failed relationships are due to the lack of communicating and sharing true feelings, thoughts and intentions. It can be scary speaking your mind, but it saves you so much time and energy in the long run. Happy dating! Xoxo